Marriage: Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding Trust in Marriages

marriage

One of the most popular TV movies in recent years was Lifetime's The Client List, which chronicled the true story of a Texas wife and mom who started making income by working as a prostitute. Her double life was finally brought to light when the brothel was raided by police and her secrets were exposed. Her husband was disgusted and shocked, and she was eventually abandoned by everyone she loved.

You might think that kind of provocative storyline only happens on TV, but the Bible actually has a similar story, but with a much better ending! The Bible's version is about a man named Hosea and a wife named Gomer. Hosea loved his wife unconditionally, and that was put to the test when she abandoned her husband and family to return to her old life of prostitution.

By the time Hosea found out, they'd had several children, and he wasn't sure if any of them were biologically his. To make matters even worse, her crimes had landed her in prison, and based on the laws of the day, her next step was to be sold into slavery to repay her debts. 

Hosea had every earthly right to write her off and leave her to the fate she had created for herself, but God had a different plan. God wanted to use this whole situation to show the amazing grace and unimaginable love he has for us even in those moments when we are completely unworthy.

God moved Hosea's heart toward forgiveness and compassion. Hosea went to that slave auction and took most his life's savings to purchase back his wife. Based on the culture's legal system, she now would have had no rights at all. He would have had all the power in the relationship, and he could have used it to punish her for the rest of her life. 

Knowing this, she bowed her head to him and called him, "Master."

What happened next is one of the most beautiful displays of grace ever recorded. In essence, he looked at her and said, "Never call me your master. I am your husband." 

He gave up his rights to punish, control, or humiliate her, and instead, he welcomed her home as his wife. This simple but powerful act of forgiveness shows us a beautiful picture of the unmerited grace and love God offers to us all.

I'm not sure how trust has been broken in your relationships, and I'm definitely not advocating that you give your loved ones a free pass to break your heart, because a healthy relationship must be built on trust, accountability, and mutual respect. My hope is simply that this story will open your mind and your heart a little wider to let more love and grace flow into your life.

If we deserved forgiveness, it wouldn't be called grace. If we could earn it, it wouldn't be real love. That type of radical forgiveness doesn’t seem humanly possible, but it is possible through the grace Christ has extended to each of us. 

Forgiveness sets you free and makes healing possible in the relationship. It’s been said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then hoping the other person dies.”

Some couples get stuck in a cycle of grudges and mistrust, because they wrongly assume that forgiveness and trust are the same thing. It’s vital that we understand their distinctions. Forgiveness can’t be earned; it can only be given freely. That’s why it’s called grace. Trust, however, can’t be given freely; it can only be earned. 

When your spouse breaks your trust, you should give your forgiveness instantly, but give your trust slowly as it is earned through consistency of actions. During this period of rebuilding, fight the urge to punish or retaliate. Those actions won’t do anything to promote healing, and healing always needs to be our ultimate objective. Love, after all, is a healing force. 

You don’t have to trust someone in order to forgive, but you do have to forgive someone in order to make trust possible again. 

The process of rebuilding trust might be slow and it might be painful, but it’s worth it! Once you worked through your issues and reestablished trust, your relationship can actually become stronger and more vibrant than it ever was before.