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THE CIRCLE OF A RELATIONSHIP & DATING

The most difficult time to be in a relationship as a guy is in your early twenties. The period when you are stuck in a limbo, trying to figure out yourself and who you want to be. At this age, you find it a herculean task asking money from your parents, considering your dad will always remind you of how he was self sufficient at your age.


So you are always left with "Nkechiyere" anyone that comes from them willingly. To compound your "woes". You have a girlfriend whom you love so much, you are 24 and she is 23. And guys being wired to want to take control, you are frustrated at your inability to take care of her like you want to.
I mean where is the money??

You are still jobless, still hustling, still finding your feet. Still putting hands into many things hoping God will smiles on you. All of a sudden, she starts acting out and showing attitude. You call, and she takes forever to pick or return your calls.

When she finally does pick, the call is like an interview session with those annoying and frustrating one word replies.
.......Yes, no, fine, okay, nothing.

Then finally she ends the call with a flimsy excuse like " wait let me close the fridge", I will call you back. And the call never comes back.

Then one day she calls you and asks you "where is this relationship heading to?

You don't even know where your own life is heading to, not to talk of a relationship. Then she drops the bombshell; I met a guy who wants to marry me and age isn't on my side.....  You are almost compelled to scream "But you are just 23". Can't you wait 3 more years let me make it? you replied gently. 

You just hold yourself and play the good guy. You ask her if she loves this new guy, she dodges the question and replies you with " He treats me well".

Well since she wasn't informing you to take permission, she was simply telling you. You have to be the cool guy and wish her well.

A week later, she gives you the traditional wedding card and then you do the math yourself. She was talking to the guy a long time before now. Then you realize that for every "K" you got on WhatsApp, the guy was getting a long epistle. You have been played.

Worse is you can't even blame her, you are just a prospect who no one knows what will become of your life in 4 years time. Would you have made it or not?

She has gone for the real deal, someone who has already made it.

In footballing terms, you are a "Anthony Martial" (prospect) while the guy is a Messi (has made it already).

I mean you were sending her a token, less that a dollar worth of recharge cards (call cards) and the other guy was telling her to manage $32 for the weekend. No comparison at all.

And then you go through that silent heartbreak guys go through, the ones they don't talk about. And unceremoniously you get inducted into the special hall of fame where members are young guys whose childhood loves and friends or girlfriends they thought they would end up with left them to marry someone else. 

Your heart is broken into smithereens.
In this hall of fame, you are all victims. Victims of not having found your path in your early twenties. At the wedding, no sight is more heartbreaking than seeing "the love of your life say "I do" to this guy she just met 6 months ago.

To make matters worse, you get an alert from your Bank telling you how less than a dollar have been deducted for bank charges. You got mad.

Your $1.1 cent, is down to $12.67 rendering that $3.18 useless, you can only withdraw $9.53 now. And that's all you have in your account. Can life be more unfair at this moment?

To make matters worse, she tells you that she wants you to be the god-father to her first son. You are livid, the plan you both made was to be the father, and not god father-ism. Why are you involving god now?.

god-father huh???.. is that a sort of compensation package? You chin it up, suck it, move on and double your hustle.

6 years later, you are 30 now. Congratulations, you finally made it. You are as rich as you hoped you will become. You are one of the happening guys in town.

You go to a wedding with your friends, the men in suit. Those guys that just intimidate everyone in the hall. You are seated scouting the hall, and the bridal train passes by. Of course, bridal train and (ashoebi) as fondly called in our local dialect ladies always show themselves. You unconsciously earn a  job description, Sampling. And you spot one, she is beautiful, elegant and tall. You walk up to her, chat her up. Exchange numbers and you left. She is 24, ripe for marriage.

Three months later, you are sounding marriage to her ears. She loves how it sounds. You are on chat with her always. And somewhere else, a 25 year old boy still finding his way and he's wondering why the girlfriend is becoming distant these days. Why is he getting those one worded replies whenever they chat which is unlike her....!

Why do their chats seem more like interview. And abruptly, you have proposed and simultaneously she is asking the 25 year old boy that question of "Where is this relationship leading us?". 

And then you marry her, and somewhere this boy gets heart broken. 

........You see we are always going to do this to ourselves unconsciously. what goes around comes around. just as the planet earth is in circle revolving round, so is the relationship we found ourselves goes round in a circle.


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